What do we really know? A soapbox confessional

I was recently reading an article on marriage and then, coincidentally a blog entry on marriage as well. They both had to do with resolving conflict and communication issues.

And, to be honest, both of them made me mad. Oh, the irony.

There seems to be an assumption that in marriage, there is a rule book with a list of rules that everyone "knows" and, gasp, actually follows. There has somehow become, I believe, in our culture of Christian marriage, this idea that because we are Christians, each of us can always treat our spouses well. The expectation, as laid out in scripture, is to love each other as Christ loves us.

In a perfect world, I suppose this ideal would work. What seems to be forgotten is that there is no perfect world, perfect marriage, perfect people. The articles and "how-to" guides sometimes seem self-righteous.

After almost 16 years of marrriage here are few truths I have discovered:

~Maybe marriage....maybe it's not always about being happy....but doing what's right...what God calls you to do. Fulfill the commitment you made to your spouse and to Him.

~Conflict resolution...? Sometimes there is no resolution. Sometimes it just "is what it is," and you and your spouse accept that about each other and move on in order to forgive the seventy-times-seven times as Jesus asks. I don't want to fail. But I know I will at times.

 

~All the communication techniques are useless sometimes. There is there is no technique to work out humanity at its worst: the times we are selfish, self-absorbed, immature and worldly. There is only GOD. There is only God working in us and through us, to love each other sacrificially. To give when there is nothing left within us to give. To serve even though every fiber of ourself wants to run away.

 

GOD. The author of marriage...the only one who can really make a difference in mine. And in yours. Don't get me wrong. I love books on marriage, I love marriage conferences, I love advice from friends. But at the end of the day, the thing that saves my marriage? Me, on my knees, asking God to help me be the wife He created me to be.